Loving in Silence

It was a Saturday night. As usual, I picked her up from her apartment for another Saturday night date.

I used the word “another,” but to be honest, this was the first Saturday night date we do since I don’t know when. It’s not every week a cool event related to our hobby happened, so we … or should I say … I will not miss this for a cozy evening in her apartment.

We’ve only been dating for four months, and I kid you not, we can’t be more different. I’m the type of person that will feel restless if I don’t go out on the weekend, while she if possible would prefer to lock her apartment from the inside, flush the key in the toilet, and never get out. That’s why me going out to her apartment on the weekend is the fairest option for both of us.

“I mean, we can just order food online and chill without having to worry about the traffic, ain’t that cool?” that’s what she said whenever I asked if she wants to eat somewhere. That happened a lot in our first month together. After that, I just try to get used to it.

We drove to the event, it’s not that far, but as always the traffic is crazy on the weekend. Throughout the drive, we almost did not speak at all. Total silence, except for the music playing from my playlist. If she knew the song, we would sing along to the song. If not, then the total silence it is.

When we arrived at the event, she changed. She became the most outgoing, friendly, and talkative around. Even I was nothing compared to her, and I consider myself as a very talkative person. We said hi to everyone we know, and some we don’t, then we tried the game that was showcased there.

We sat next to each other, trying one game after another, commenting it either from the story, art, music, gameplay, feel, any other aspects you can use to judge a game. But when we play, we just play - no talking during the playthrough. Total silence, as if she was recharging energy from all of the interactions she did before.

Back in her apartment, we didn’t talk much. She made two cups of green tea latte for both of us, and then we watched Netflix together, with only a few words traded.

“Don’t you feel bored dating me?” she asked.

“Come on, this again?”

“I know, I’m sorry to bring this up again, but you were so silent today I thought you were mad at me.”

“Honey, I’m not mad at you, why would I be?”

“I don’t know, it’s just that … I’m super introvert yet you are super extrovert, and there are times when I feel like I’m holding you back from your true self.”

“You’re just overthinking things, as usual, tonight was amazing, and I can’t thank you enough for willing to join me and sacrifice your stay-in-house time. We both know how much you love staying in and how rare you got the chance to do it.”

“Why do you like me?”

“You’ve asked this question a dozen times in the last four months, you know?” I giggled.

“I … I just wanted to make sure,” she started crying.

“Hey hey, don’t be sad, it’s okay. And to answer your question, I don’t know why I like you.”

“That answer again.”

“Because it’s true. All I know is I feel comfortable around you. I just feel happy, calm, and … I don’t know, do I need to know?”

“That sounds dangerous, liking someone without knowing the reason.”

“Oh believe me, dear, I was confused for the longest time before realizing, it’s actually the best kind of feeling I’ve ever had. How about you? Why did you like me?”

“Who said I like you?”

I was speechless for a moment.

“Hahahaha! You should have seen your expression!”

“Hey, don’t mess around with me like that. You almost gave me a heart attack.”

“Good. It means you weren’t lying about your feelings,” she smiled.

“You haven’t answered my question.”

“It’s a secret.”

“That’s not fair! I told you mine.”

“I hate to break it to you, but ‘don’t know’ it’s not a proper answer sir.”

“But it’s an honest one.”

“I know…”

We stayed silent again.

So, that was my introvert girlfriend and me.

My answer to her was obviously a lie. Not knowing why you like someone is super scary. But I never imagined being able to act like that to other introverted girls other than her.

Or at least that’s how I wish things can be, I thought as I drove back home, alone in my car, in total silence.